In a celebrity-crazed, adolescent girl kind of way, I think it’s cool that I’m pregnant and due around the same time as Kim Kardashian and Kate Middleton. I mean, these are pretty iconic, gorgeous ladies. And, their names start with a K just like mine, so I’m pretty much connected to them, like soul sisters or something.
If we were all bff’s, here’s what I imagine our conversation would be like if we were lounging around eating bon bons one afternoon by Kim’s pool in her mansion in Calabasas.
Kim: Guys I’m SO stressed out right now. I don’t think our interior designer will be done with the 3rd renovation of the nursery in time. I wish they would have just done it right the first time!
Kate: I thought it was quite lovely the first time Kim. Cheetah print and hot pink is such a charming theme for a baby girl’s room. What was wrong? (Kate passes around a crystal dish of lavender biscuits- I take 7 of them)
Kim: Well for one it was too small. Then the window didn’t line up with the pool outside (points up to the house at one of many windows) Who wants to look out a window at half a pool? Ew.
Kate: Yes I do see your point. I too am stressed. William and I can’t agree on a name and the Queen keeps interfering. She wants something dull and traditional like Winthorp or Prudence. But I would love to go with something more modern and trendy, something that ends in N or has something to do with nature.
Me: You could go with a name that incorporates both, like Raven.
Kim: Oh my god I freakin’ LOVE that name!
Kate: Good heavens, what a wonderful and delightful name! Excellent idea Kelsey!
Me: Feel free to use it. Just make sure the middle name is “Kelsey”
(we all lol)
Kim: So have you guys gone on a babymoon yet?
Me: This..... IS my babymoon.
Kate: How positively hilarious! You’re a riot Kelsey!
Kate: Wills and I can’t decide between 3 weeks in Fiji or the south of France. So we’re doing both.
Kim: Kanye and I are spending next month on his yacht in the Caribbean.
Me: ...I’m going to get in the pool now. (I grab another lavender biscuit and waddle over to the pool before flopping and rolling onto a raft and floating away)
Note: During this scene Kanye, Wills and Mike are on a run to In’n’Out burger for us and encounter the standard long line. Kanye cuts in front of everyone and places an order.